Foods I will never eat unless they are free:

1) Raspberry yogurt. I like the taste of this stuff, but if it’s got those little black seeds and it’s going to get all through my teeth, then I won’t pay for it.

2) Dark chocolate. Sorry guys, I like milk chocolate a whole lot more. But most chocolate is good enough that if it’s free, I’ll eat it.

3) Pickle-flavored potato chips. If I buy a bag of these, I’ll like the first few bites and then I won’t eat the rest. Leave the buying to my brother.

4) 1% and skim milk. One of my friends calls this “lipid water.” I only drink it if I need milk for cereal or cookies or cake and there’s nothing else available. As for drinking it straight, I’d be lost in the desert and dying of thirst.

5) Captain Crunch. What’s fun about eating little colored balls of pumice? Might as well eat fruit-flavored shurikens™. Much worse is Captain Crunch with lipid water. But hey . . . if it’s free, who’s complaining?

6) Sugar Peeps. You know, the yellow puffs of sugar that you get on Easter? I’ll eat these if they’re free, but only one or two.

Foods I won’t eat, even if they’re free:

1) Diet Root Beer. Or any kind of diet soda for that matter. Just don’t like the carbonated-Chlorox aftertaste.

2) Spice Drops. I hate these things because they masquerade as the tasty kind of gumdrops. Sometimes you can’t tell which kind you’re getting until you wind up home tasting the things. Nothing makes me feel stupider than when I am deceived by food. (Or when I write sentences that are not grammatically correct.) Stay tuned for the Spice Drops Cookbook.

These lists are not comprehensive. I’m interested in knowing what things fall into these categories for you?