Recently I was looking for fonts for the Mistborn Llamas T-shirts (watch for them soon!) when one of the websites suggested I install their software in order to get free fonts. Well, I don’t install everything I find online—that would be the equivalent of putting everything I find on the ground in my mouth.

But I read their little end user agreement, and in the midst of it were these words:

Special Notice for Residents of the State of Alaska, USA:
Unfortunately, according to SB 140 (Alaska), persons who reside in the state of Alaska may not install the Licensed Software. Therefore, by installing or Using the Licensed Software you represent and warrant that your computer is not located in the state of Alaska.

My first thought after reading this was, if I were in Alaska and really wanted this spyware installed on my computer, then what’s stopping me from downloading and installing this stuff?

My second thought was that Alaska’s lawmakers came up with this law for some reason or another. I imagine that someone in government waved the proposed bill in the air and said, “We don’t want people downloading or installing ANYTHING but penguins!”

I don’t want to detract from the seriousness of this situation. I’m quite sure that this lawmaker was particularly well-meaning. I mean, doesn’t Alaska have quite the booming Penguin trade?

A little more research yielded this Computer Technology Law Report, which in essence says:

ANCHORAGE, Alaska–Gov. Frank Murkowski (R) Aug. 30 signed legislation that forbids the online distribution or installation of “adware” that causes Web browsers to display pop-up advertisements targeted to Alaska consumers.

Wow, talk about taking care of their citizens. But how in the world are they going to enforce this?

Ah ha! I think we’ve found a job for all those penguins!

Author’s Note:
Some observant readers may assert that there are no penguins in Alaska. According to Wikipedia, penguins are only found in the Southern Hemisphere. But where do you think Alaska is located? Besides I’ve seen penguins in zoos that are (as far as I know) outside of the Southern Hemisphere, so Wikipedia may not be entirely accurate.