Nethermore

Took a look at the stats for last week, and we had 200 unique visitors on Tuesday! The rest of the week was pretty strong as well. Thanks for coming by and taking a look at things.

By this weekend, I’m hoping to make some time to tweak the design and colors of the website. Things may look a little bit weird (ala I-15) as I try some new things.

In other news, I’m going to be pushing really hard to hit 100k by this time next week. I’ve been doing a significant amount of outlining for the book when I’ve been sitting places where I could do nothing else. By Monday next, I’m shooting to be completely done with Part One of Nethermore and have the beginning of Part Two started. Part One should clock in at about 75k words, and I think that Part Two will take me about 100k to get through. That leaves around 25k for the climax and epilogue, though I think I’ll go over that by just a little bit.

A few Miscellaneous Links:

For those of you who are interested in news in the Science Fiction and Fantasy community, check out Locus Magazine online. It’s the standard news magazine for the industry and always has interesting links.

If you’re a writer interested in sending your stories to publishers, check out Ralan’s Market Guide. This website is updated pretty often with amateur and professional publications that are looking for content.

For those who have never submitted a manuscript before—or if you would just like to review—Speculations has a terse little guide on how to format your manuscript before you send it somewhere.

Here’s to another good week!

—”Stewart”

I think we’ve got about five more years before the plants make their final move.

It starts with a few vines covering a building and next thing you know, they’re sitting at the breakfast table reading the paper and complaining about world politics.

What follows is disturbing evidence of this invasion. (Click pictures for larger versions.)

Step One

First the plants take over things that don’t matter much, like fences. As you can see here, the lawn in this back yard has been largely taken over by grass. Those stepping stones are in a pretty sad predicament, if you ask me.

Step Two

Once the yard is overgrown, the plants reach the buildings and, tentatively at first, they shoot out their little tendrils and surround the unsuspecting edifices.

Step Three

Those who turn a blind eye to this problem soon discover that their whole neighborhoods have been besieged. Unfortunately, at this stage, there’s nothing left that can be done short of setting fire to the whole street.

As a sidenote, those few scientists aware of this problem have yet to decipher coded messages from the plants in order to discover the demands of these photosynthetic green fiends.

The Bench Case

In this backyard in New Jersey, we see the all-too-common practice of plants surrounding otherwise cool items like benches and decks. This poor bench is a goner. Many plants camouflage themselves, so I’ve labeled the insurgents that are seeking the bench’s destruction.

Hidden Dangers
This person is staring reflectively into his/her backyard well. Unbeknownst to him/her, bushes—circled for clarification—are hiding in the beds by the fence. Let this person’s mistake be a lesson to us all! Don’t sit down by a reflecting pool when plants are nearby!

Without Warning
Don’t let this tree fool you like it’s fooling that administration building. Where there is one tree, more will soon arrive . . . if this tree doesn’t get to the building first, a whole gaggle of trees—a forest?—will come to reclaim the building for nature.

There you have it: the facts as I have them. But still, besides this compelling evidence, most people are oblivious to this impending disaster. Or worse yet, are aware but choose to do nothing!

The plant invasion has been slow and subtle. You may think, “This doesn’t concern me. I live in the desert.” And you’re right! The invasion will stop when the plants hit Utah. They won’t be able to survive out here. But who knows? Nevada might be the only place completely immune to this problem.

But why wait until the plants are stopped at the borders of Utah and New Mexico? We must rise up in defense of our brothers and sisters on the East Coast, who live practically as prisoners of war, incarcerated as they areby the plants that have invaded our shores!

Write your Congressman today!

Disclaimer: This post may make you want to be politically involved by saying words like, “Write your Congressman today!” However, Isaac Stewart, Nethermore.com, and the Stinky Hobo are not responsible if you write to your Congressman about this issue. On the other hand, Angus the Scotsman can be blamed since he can defend himself with a two-handed Scottish Claymore. The rest of us do not have a license to operate such a fine weapon.

Foods I will never eat unless they are free:

1) Raspberry yogurt. I like the taste of this stuff, but if it’s got those little black seeds and it’s going to get all through my teeth, then I won’t pay for it.

2) Dark chocolate. Sorry guys, I like milk chocolate a whole lot more. But most chocolate is good enough that if it’s free, I’ll eat it.

3) Pickle-flavored potato chips. If I buy a bag of these, I’ll like the first few bites and then I won’t eat the rest. Leave the buying to my brother.

4) 1% and skim milk. One of my friends calls this “lipid water.” I only drink it if I need milk for cereal or cookies or cake and there’s nothing else available. As for drinking it straight, I’d be lost in the desert and dying of thirst.

5) Captain Crunch. What’s fun about eating little colored balls of pumice? Might as well eat fruit-flavored shurikens™. Much worse is Captain Crunch with lipid water. But hey . . . if it’s free, who’s complaining?

6) Sugar Peeps. You know, the yellow puffs of sugar that you get on Easter? I’ll eat these if they’re free, but only one or two.

Foods I won’t eat, even if they’re free:

1) Diet Root Beer. Or any kind of diet soda for that matter. Just don’t like the carbonated-Chlorox aftertaste.

2) Spice Drops. I hate these things because they masquerade as the tasty kind of gumdrops. Sometimes you can’t tell which kind you’re getting until you wind up home tasting the things. Nothing makes me feel stupider than when I am deceived by food. (Or when I write sentences that are not grammatically correct.) Stay tuned for the Spice Drops Cookbook.

These lists are not comprehensive. I’m interested in knowing what things fall into these categories for you?

I just finished reading an article about time and where it goes when it’s wasted. Dr. Jeff Daya of the Coworldal (who comes up with these names?) Development Lab at MIT has discovered that there are tiny holes in the fabric of time, much like there are tiny holes in cheesecloth. (In fact, the pictures in the article, which you can find here, look a lot like photos of cheesecloth holes under a microscope.)

Dr. Daya has theorized that when time is wasted, it’s actually sucked through these holes in a process called Time Leak. Time is accumulating at such a rapid pace in a parallel universe to our own that it’s entirely normal for people who live there to have too much time on their hands. I suppose once they’ve wasted some time that they find there’s always more time to waste.

Dr. Daya’s next project is a vacuum that sucks time back into our world. Somehow I don’t think this will work because I’ve always thought that vacuuming was a waste of time.

“Wasting Your Life and Time” is the name of the article and can be found in this month’s issue of Nature.

We have something Mexico wants: jobs. Mexico has something we want: Cancun. Trouble is brewing! I don’t think Iran or Korea has anything to worry about as long as we have to keep paying such ridiculous prices for vacationing. Write your Congressman, your Senator, the President and let them know! We want Cancun and will take it by force if we have to.

There is a saner solution to this political entanglement. We could trade immigration slots for parcels of vacation land. This will avoid the bloodshed and will both regulate immigration into the United States, giving immigrants the prize of legality. And it will also give us what we want: tropical paradise. I see no clearer solution to this problem.

In all seriousness, if we don’t give the power to someone to control immigration, then the immigrants will take the power for themselves and there will be no regulation.

If you’ve come to America legally and are willing to follow our laws (which sadly, not all Americans do anyway), you are welcome here.

Those who demand the rights of citizenship without the responsibilities of citizenship should set down the flags of their countries or return to their own countries, where they can wave their flags proudly.

From the point of view of an immigrant, it’s hard for me to blame them. I would probably feel the same need to go to the streets and demand rights. It’s a hard balance we have to achieve. Hopefully a solution will be reached that will achieve long-term good and disrupt as few lives as possible, no matter which flag they claim as their own.

But here on the soil of the United States, it’s our flag we wave.