Nethermore

I’ve never been afraid of sleep. It was always a welcome relief to be able to slip into oblivion every night.

But now I’m scared of sleeping. Last night I was up until almost 4am because I knew what would come when I tried to sleep.

The coughs are worse at night, when I’m reclining or in bed. And even though I’ve got antibiotics that have helped ease the coughing, each cough is now like a mini wrestling match between me and asphyxiation. Every time leaves me gasping for breath as if I’m breathing through Jell-O, or not even breathing at all.

The ironic thing is that I’m writing a story about a character who is afraid of sleeping. And now I understand him more than I ever wanted to.

I’ve finally got pictures uploaded. I’ll add more as I get more…but for now I’m finally caught up.

Schaumberger Castle
Technology Convention
Great Apartment Tour
Osnabrück Cathedral
Random Stuff and the Netherlands
Bad Bentheim Castle
Hamburg
Frankfurt Temple
Maiwoche

I have very good news. I’ve been trying to keep it to myself all day, but I just can’t help myself. I’ve got to tell somebody, and since nobody around here understands my German, looks like this is the best place to go with it. Well, here goes:

I’m not dead.

Earlier in the week I would have seen that as bad news, in light of how sick I’ve been. I’ve wanted remove my throat and throw it out the window (which would be a bad idea, since that’s probably how got into this mess in the first place). But I haven’t done that, and I won’t.

I’ve just been so sleep-deprived because of the coughing and choking that I’ve been loathing the nights. I just want to shut down and let my body do its job and start healing, but truth is, if you can’t breathe, you can’t sleep.

So, the Branch President called yesterday and asked me to speak in Church. I was up until 2am writing my talk on two 3×5 cards—I knew I shouldn’t get too ambitious. Matthias luckily corrected all my grammar mistakes, but it didn’t make it any easier that I was sick, had to teach the lesson to the Youth, and had to speak as well.

But I made it through. That counts for something, right?

When I was in the Philippines, early on in my mission, I remember the frustration of not being able to speak or understand. After a while I didn’t want anything to do with the language. My thoughts were along the lines of, “Why can’t Tagalog be more like English?” And just as often, because I’d taken German in High School, “Why can’t Tagalog be more like German?”

One night I had a dream where my mission president called me into his office and explained that there had been a mistake. I had been assigned to the Philippines by mistake and that I was really supposed to go to Germany. He handed me my plane ticket and sent me on my way.

If I could travel back in time, I wouldn’t have the heart to visit my 19-year old self and say, “Look, kid. It’d be just as hard in Germany.”

I know that now because I’m going through it again. It was painful enough the first time. It is ironic, however, that my thoughts now are more along the lines of, “Why can’t German be more like Tagalog?”

It’s good to be reminded of these things, to remember how much the Lord helped me on my mission. The language eventually came, the comprehension came as well, and I was able to talk to the Filipinos just as easily as I could speak English.

Maybe even better than I could speak my native language . . . two years of speaking another language did something to me—it royally messed up my English at the time. But that’s another story.

Another day spent inside working on the cinematics for the video game. Come afternoon, I realized I’d better do some laundry and get groceries, so in between transferring files, I tried to figure out the German washer once again (I think I got it right this time—there’s no instructions for these things anywhere on the internet—I may post some later for the benefit of others living here).

On my way to the bus stop to get groceries, I saw up ahead as two kids were riding bikes on the sidewalk. The little boy sped ahead, toward me, and passed by on his tiny bike. The girl followed, much more slowly, and as she gained speed, she called out to her brother, “Akhmed!”

At the very same moment she went crashing to the pavement, landing in a heap of bicycle and child. It was right next to me. I turned, I offered my hand, and she looked up pleadingly.

I didn’t know what to do. So I spoke. In English. Bad idea. “Are you okay? Can I help you?”

Her pleading look turned into one of horror, and she started crying violently. Luckily two other guys—obviously foreigners as well, but evidently not so foreign as I am—rushed over and began speaking German to her. Her crying quieted. They got her up. I picked up the bike, fixed the seat, and since everyone was ignoring me, I walked to the bus stop.

Man, how many people will I wind up scaring before I learn this language?

In other news, I just learned that I’ll be teaching the lesson this Sunday–in German. Heaven help us.

I’ve been fighting against seeing a doctor since my insurance doesn’t work here. But after about a week of near-sleepless nights and the inability to breathe, Matthias finally prevailed upon me to let him call a doctor and at least ask how much it would cost.

The last ten days, I’ve only been making it through on prayers alone. And God’s been good to me, allowing me to get a little bit of coughless sleep. To me it’s miraculous.

But as this thing wasn’t getting any better, I figured I’d better go to the doctor. And since Matthias found a place that would allow me to come in and pay 25 Euro cash, I figured I’d give it a shot. I wouldn’t have gone otherwise, and I might have died, or had my lungs removed.

I’ve got an infected larynx. How in the world? That explains why I can’t breathe and I can barely talk. It’s not like I’ve been dragging my voicebox behind the bus on the string, so I still can’t figure out how I got sick.

Now, the healthcare system is a little different here. I know that, although I’m not going to go into the differences, other than it’s socialized, or something. The decorations were sparse. It wasn’t one of those dressed-up and happy doctor’s offices you find in Utah. The waiting room was packed with people, and we were lucky to get a seat. When we entered the room, Matthias turned to me and said, “Oh great, this looks like an opportunity for you to pick up more diseases.”

After a wait that was much shorter than I expected, thanks to Matthias’ foresight in calling ahead and getting me an appointment, I was ushered into an examination room with another patient.

Great, I thought. Looks like we get joint examinations, too. I was hoping the other patient had something interesting to show the doctor, when the other patient’s friend came in and got her. Guess she had misheard and thought she was next instead of me.

Phew. That just left Matthias and I to observe what would come next: the Alien Abduction.

Matthias explained my symptoms and the doctor ushered me into the patient chair. I looked to my left. All the tools in the stand looked scarily too much like dentist tools, if your dentist also happened to abduct people in his UFO on the weekends. There were wands and probes and things that I could only imagine were saws meant for ripping open my throat to get a better look at the what might be bothering me.

The first thing he did was to get out his third-longest pair of tweezers. Now these were the kind of tweezers that have the finger holes like those found in scissors, then there was the tweezing end, but where a normal pair of tweezers stopped, this pair just kept going, ending in four-inch spikes. The doctor put cotton in this and before I could cry out that he had the wrong person, he shoved the tweezers up my nose.

Then the doctor swore in German and left the room. I don’t understand many words, but that is one word that I’ve heard often enough to figure out what it means.

Ever see that part in Total Recall where Arnold Schwarzenegger pulls the orb out of his nose. Yeah, it was kind of like that. I was just waiting for the doctor to come back and remove the memory orb so that the Martian police could no longer track me.

The doctor came back, grabbed a little gun with a very long barrel in one hand. “Open wide,” he said, taking a tissue in the other hand. “Now stick out your tongue.” I stuck out my tongue, and he caught it as if it were a bug. Then he shoved the gun down my poor, aching throat.

I guess there was a camera on the other end of the gun. But my throat was a little shy and didn’t want to be in the picture.

“Say ‘hee.’” I guess he didn’t have any furry little stuffed animals to make my throat smile. And maybe doctors just make you say ‘hee’ here instead of ‘ah.’

“Ghkee,” I said, though it mostly came out like a gagging noise. I think it took him five minutes to remove the gun from my throat, even though I only think it was in there a little more than five seconds.

Then he repeated the process, and didn’t even offer me a sucker when I left. Though I did get plenty of antibiotics and a prescription for steroids. Not that I need steroids. Coughing is a great work out for the abs. I’m more in shape than I’ve been in months!

Before he left, he put the happy tweezers up my nose again and retrieved the cotton.

“Does it feel better?”

Of course it feels better now that you’ve pulled that crazy piece of cotton out of my nasal cavity. I didn’t say that, though. I said, “Thanks.” And I meant it. This guy was doing me a big favor by giving me a very good price for his services.

So now I’m doped up and still coughing. I’m hoping my larynx gets better so I can actually speak again someday. I would also like a full night of sleeping, if possible.

After the UFO set me back down, I went to CD City and bought a CD of a goth metal band from the Netherlands. They’re called Within Temptation, and their songs are pretty cool. After what I’d been through, I bought a pastry, too. I’ll have to say that I’m enjoying the CD more. It’s kind of hard to play music on a pastry.

Many of you know that I’ve moved to Germany for the summer and am utterly swamped with the animation I’m doing for a game coming up for the Nintendo Wii–Space Station Tycoon. Sorry for the inactivity of the blog, but I do need time to sleep and eat . . . and explore places like Hamburg and Frankfurt and the Netherlands on the weekends.

In Hamburg last weekend I developed a cough that has superpowers. I’ve successfully called three whooping cranes and one barking seal to our apartment. The former came to the balcony and beat against the glass doors. The latter climbed up three flights of stairs and slapped its fins together in the hall for a half hour, much to the annoyance of our Turkish neighbors. After that, the seal disappeared. But the cranes are still there, and they’re larger than pigeons, so needless to say, the mess I’ll have to clean up later is a fairly large one. Curse this stupid cough!

I checked online, and out of a list of 20 things, I think I narrowed it down to these three: 1) bronchitis, 2) exercise-induced asthma, or 3) Tuberculosis. I’m ruling out #3, and think I have a combo of 1 and 2, which means I’ll be better in 2-3 weeks. I don’t know if I can handle the cranes on the balcony for that long. I’ve already run out of fish.

This weekend we’re going to the Frankfurt Temple to do a few sessions. It’ll be nice to get out of the house. I literally sit in the apartment, staring out a window to the world that is Germany, and I animate monkeys and barfing whales. I could be animating how to count to 31, like I did at my last job. I’ll take the barfing whale, thank you very much.

Here’s today’s stupid happening. I’m doing animation stuff when I hear someone beating on the apartment wall next door. It continues and pretty soon somebody rings my door bell. There’s a 6 foot 5 German guy spouting German at me and looking at me like I must be the dumbest person alive. So I tell him I don’t speak German. By the look in his eyes, my response seals the deal. I AM the dumbest person on the planet. So he asks me this question, in English. “You, a hammer?” I’m not that dumb. Of course I’m not a hammer. But the neighbors might be. They’re the ones pounding on the wall. So I pointed to the neighbors and told him to try there.

In other news, I tried to give a lesson (in German!) to a group of youth about gratitude today. I was very grateful that they corrected all my grammar and vocabulary mistakes. Maybe next time they’ll actually understand what I was talking about.

New to Judging Books by Their Covers, Goodness and Badness in SF/F Covers? Please read the Introduction. You’ll find awesome stuff about why it’s called The Book Jerk and why I use the Clocks of Goodness and Badness.

March 2007 Science Fiction and Fantasy Book Covers

I’ve been a bit absent here lately because of tight deadlines on the video game we’re developing for the Wii. There’s been some good buzz about the game, recently announced as Space Station Tycoon (a name we tried to get marketing to change, but our battle was in vain). As a result of working long hours, a few things have slipped into the background. One of these things is the blog.

In addition to that, I discovered that 75 book covers was way too much reviewing for me to chew each month. So, instead, I’m going to pick my favorites (and least favorites). Just a note, but due to constricted time, I can’t look up each of the artists whose covers these are. Apologies; apologies. I try to note them when I can. Without further delay, onward now to the Goodness, the Badness, and the Mediocre-ness of science fiction and fantasy book covers for the March 2007.

The Goodness

Antagonist by Gordon R. Dickson, David W. Wixon, and Volkan Baga (Hardcover - Mar 20)

I love this cover for the artwork alone. I’m pretty sure this one’s by Donato Giancola, who won a much-deserved Hugo award last year.

**UPDATE: This cover painting is actually by Volkan Baga. An interesting aside is that Baga served as Donato’s studio assistant.**

The design itself reminds me a lot of the Baen covers, which tells me that this is either military science fiction or space opera. I’m not really fond of the little lightning bolt extending from the first letter of the title, maybe because it reminds me of Harry Potter . . . or maybe about that time I was struck by lightning. Either way, it’s a little campy.

I’m not sure what’s going on with the whole “Sci Fi Essential Book” logo in the corner. I know that this is an honor for a book to get, and maybe it sells copies, but it sure does a nice job of marring up a cover.

Belladonna by Anne Bishop (Hardcover - Mar 6)

If you remember the first post about cover post goodness and badness, then you’ll recall that beautiful girls can be a good way to make a cover better, and Belladonna is no exception to this rule. But more specifically, I love the contrast in this cover, specifically the velvet red with the soft blue and the dark hair with the clouds.

I don’t like the word “ephemera” being integrated into the ironwork. The way it’s written and placed on the cover makes me think that this book is part of a series of sappy romances where each book is written by a different author.

The Dark Mirror by Juliet Marillier (Mass Market Paperback - Mar 6)

I probably shouldn’t be reviewing the hardcover versions of books coming out in paperback in March, but I couldn’t help myself on a few books this month.

This cover is just lovely. It’s got everything that catches my eye on a book cover: embossed type, foiled type, large open spaces with no type in order to show off the beautiful artwork.

Add to that a beautiful woman in the most-contrasting of colors–dark hair against a white dress–and you’ve got yourself a twelve o’clock winner.

Gradisil by Adam Roberts (Paperback - Mar 14)

This may very well be my favorite cover of March. Pyr rarely skimps when it comes to cover art and design. Everything about this cover says that it’s action-packed science fiction. With or without embossing or foil, this one is going to look great on the shelf. Here’s a tip of the hat to the designer on this one.

As for the artist . . . can you go wrong with a Stephan Martiniere?

Just for kicks, I’m adding the British version of Gradisil, which has a wonderfully designed cover with a beautiful tree motif as a centerpiece.

I hope you’ll also enjoy a look at the whole cover flat of the American version.

In the Eye of Heaven by David Keck (Mass Market Paperback - Mar 6)

Here’s another twelver for you. Talk about a design complementing the artwork and vice-versa, this cover has gone to great lengths to say, “Beautiful, Mysterious, Medieval, and possibly Arthurian.”

One look at this cover makes me hope that the book behind it is as beautiful and riveting.

Trail of Time by Jeff Mariotte (Mass Market Paperback - Mar 1)

I absolutely love the art on this cover! The style is perfect to put on a novel about superheroes without copying too much the cliched style of most comic art. The coloring suggests something vintage, and the angles and proportions of the characters tell me modern. Love this to bits.

However, the design ain’t much to crow about. It fits in nice. But it’s too bad that in order to sell the book, the brand has to sit on top of everything else. Ah, such is life. I know it has to be there. If I’m that picky about it, I should just find a print of the artwork.

The Badness

Regeneration: Species Imperative #3 by Julie E. Czerneda (Paperback - Mar 6)

On a world where the climate is too cold for the Hibachi, one woman and one man discover the perils of starting their stellar grill on the frozen crust of an ancient ocean.

The tagline for this one must be: In space, no one can hear you grill.

Now, I know that Julie Czerneda was thrilled with this cover, but to me it still looks like something that could have come out of the nineties. The book is probably really good. The cover, however, doesn’t reflect that.

If I Were An Evil Overlord by Martin H. Greenberg and Russell Davis (Paperback - Mar 6)

This one win the award for worst cover of March 2007. The badness on this one is so bad that it’s evil. The art looks like it’s unfinished (apologies to the artist), the text is hard to read (apologies to the designer).

Everything about this one bespeaks the publisher’s thought that it’s not going to make much money, so why pay for a known artist, and why pay for a designer?

The Mediocre-ness—Striving for Goodness

Shadowplay by Tad Williams (Hardcover - Mar 6)

This is actually a pretty good cover. Love the type and its placement, and the art’s pretty good, too.

My problem is that this is the first of Tad William’s fantasy series covers that didn’t get a painting from Michael Whelan. And why the building instead of characters? This one’s starting to look too mainstream for the genre.

It is classy however. If it were any other book, I wouldn’t be so hard, but I have fond memories from my youth reading Williams’ other books, and this one just isn’t awaking my sense of wonder like his earlier covers did.

Interesting-ness

Psion by Joan D. Vinge (Paperback - Mar 6)

I include the next few books because it’s interesting to me to see how a book can be repackaged to portray a different feel and appeal to a broader and more modern audience.

I think the new cover for Psion looks great. I’d take it over the previous covers of this book any day.

Doesn’t the guy on this one look like a mullet-wearing Christian Bale? It’s possibly from the poster of the first Batman, if Bale had replaced Keaton.

Holy cow! If I ever get abducted by aliens, I’m absolutely sure that this would be the most-terrifying alien to send my way. I’m gonna have nightmares about this one (and its pyscho title font) for months.

Stone of Tears by Terry Goodkind (Paperback - Mar 31)

Can’t we just leave good things alone? The first hard cover of Terry Goodkind’s Stone of Tears was beautiful in everyway, from the type, to the foil, to the awe-inspiring painting by the late Keith Parkinson.

But, it is the latest in a line of redesigns that I’m sure was engineered to placate the demanding author of these books, who would prefer that his covers look less like fantasy books and more like free bank calendars.

I imagine that Parkinson’s art was allowed to stay on this one only because of his unfortunate passing, otherwise I know something less suited to a fantasy novel (no doubt good art, but certainly not as majestic as this painting) would’ve been slapped on the cover.

Included is the original. And please excuse the rant. I just hate to see one of my all-time favorite covers changed to suit silly demands, although I do not fault the publisher on this one. They’ve done marvelously with the parameters they’ve been given.

**UPDATE: Just saw the reissue in hardcover and paperback at the book store. Though I don’t like them as much as the originals, these covers are really good looking and match the rest of the series.**

Whatever-ness

Well, there’s a look at the Goodness, Badness, and Whatever-ness of book covers for March. Maybe I’ll get around to blogging about April sometime soon.

Thanks again go to Lou at Pyr for providing cover flats for Gradisil and Keeping it Real. Thanks also to Irene and Vanessa at Tor for getting me the cover for the Stone of Tears reissue. And thanks to Anne at Ace for directing me to the new Penguin Books science fiction and fantasy website.

Today the Deseret Morning News ran an article about Brandon Sanderson and his books. I was mentioned as well, along with some of the artwork I’ve done for the Mistborn series. It was very kind of Brandon to invite me to be interviewed along with him for the article. Fun stuff, and a good read.

Well, after spending an evening writing the post about Ace, and seeing as I would have to do that about 15 more times in order to cover every book cover that’s coming out this month, I’ve decided that I’m only going to cover the fliers and the stinkers as far as covers go. I’m shooting for explaining the Goodness and the Badness, and will only review about ten specifically-chosen covers each month. That’s a lot more manageable for me, especially with the strict deadlines at work and me also trying to find time to work on my novel.

So, check back Thursday for some more SF/F Cover Goodness and Badness.

Goodness and Badness in Science Fiction and Fantasy Cover Art

People are often accused of being shallow when they judge a person by their looks alone instead of their personality. So, am I being shallow for judging books by their covers when I usually haven’t even read the books?

Probably. But who cares? We all like pretty pictures, and I’m no exception. A lot of the time, it’s the pretty pictures and nice design on a book that’s going to catch your interest and get you to read something by an author you’ve never tried before.

Sound a little like dating? In a lot of aspects it is. Attraction to the book must come first—whether it’s a referral from a friend (blind book date) or initial attraction to the book’s cover (lust). You can fall in love with ugly books and with beautiful books. But you’re a lot more likely to try to beautiful books first.

So, if that makes me shallow, then yes, I’m shallow when it comes to books and their covers. In other words, I’m a book jerk because I’m not judging the books by their personalities.

Science Fiction-y Goodness and Badness Every Month

Each month I review the covers from books coming out in that month. Follow this link to a list of books I’ve gleaned from contacts and/or research of SF/F books coming out from now to the end of the year. If you have information about books I don’t have listed, please email me at:

Disclaimer: Or, please don’t hate me for being subjective

We all have our own opinions. All my blabbering about book covers is just that: my opinion. Don’t be offended, don’t take it to heart—for Pete’s sake, don’t take it seriously if you don’t want to. Leave a comment if you disagree, but do it respectfully—and I promise to respect your opinion as well. After all, it’s not politics. It’s book covers.

Designing for a hardcover and designing for a paperback are two different animals. Because of the drastic reduction of real estate between the two, the book’s title and the author’s name have to appear larger to be visible to potential buyers. Zooming in on the major focii in the art is sometimes a good idea, too.

In my opinion, the artist and designer have a lot more leeway with hardcovers and trade paperbacks in creating something that is truly beautiful. When reviewing covers, I try to take into account whether the edition is hardcover, trade, or mass market.

In most instances, I have not seen the physical book. There is a big difference between an image on screen and the actual printed art and design. Paper choice, embossing, foil, gloss and matte UV, and die-cutting all add to the printed book experience. Sometimes these factors can make a difference in the Goodness or Badness of the design. However, I don’t have the money or time to buy all the books each month, so I do the best with the images I find.

How to Read the Clocks of Goodness and Badness

Movies and books often get starred reviews, or numbered reviews, or tomatoed reviews (fresh of rotten), or even a thumbed review (up or down). But since I’m judging books by their covers, I don’t see any reason why there should be a numbered scale or a starred scale. I’m shallow, remember? The scale I’m going to use is visual.

In my first post about Goodness and Badness in Science Fiction and Fantasy Book Covers, I introduced the Wheel of Whatever-ness to show how design and art go hand in hand to make the complete package of a cover which may or may not intrigue you.

Keeping with the spirit of the first Wheel of Whatever-ness, I introduce the Wheel Reloaded and her little brothers and sisters, the Clocks of Goodness and Badness.

Each cover I judge will receive a little clock ranging from Goodness . . .

. . . to Badness.

How much GOODNESS (arrow pointing up), MEDIOCRE-NESS (horizontal arrow), or BADNESS (arrow pointing down) of the book cover ART and DESIGN is measured by the corresponding arrows.

The LEFT HALF of the clock judges the ART of the book.

The RIGHT HALF of the clock judges the book’s DESIGN.

Thus a clock pointing 12:00 represents a cover full of Goodness. A 6:00, however, is a cover empty of Goodness and full of Badness.

For convenience, here’s a handy chart of the Clocks of Goodness and Badness. Art is read horizontally. Design is read vertically. G = Goodness; kG = kinda Good; M = Mediocre-ness; kB = kinda Bad; B = Bad.

Let’s face it. Some sub-genres typically have ugly covers, but we still love them because of what the covers represent. For example, how can I fairly judge the cover of a Robert Jordan book or the latest Terry Goodkind when their audiences expect a certain cover? The covers may be mediocre, or even ugly, but years of associating the content of the books with their covers has trained us to view them fondly, like that mangy family dog that we nevertheless still love. These covers may have bad art or bad design but be totally appropriate for their intended audiences. In these cases, I may still rate the books with clocks, but will also give them each an AA for Audience Appropriateness.

Onward to Goodness and Badness

Are you ready? To read monthly reviews of the Goodest and Baddest science fiction and fantasy book covers, click here for an archive of the posts, newest listed first.